Never linger in the past

Sept 29 2011 9:26am. It's almost a year since I've updated the blog. Time flies. Never expect that I would come back to this place again, but it feels like the only place a person can throw their heart feelings into black and white.

The past is haunting me again. Is this because of the feeling that you're going to go after someone? or like someone? Whatever that is, I'll just take the experience, please keep away these unwanted things from my brain. I'm tough from head to toe, the only weakness I have is only my mind.

After I gave up, now it's still coming back. I guess what I need was closure after all. There is still the feelings lingering inside, it needs to show but guess this won't be an easy battle after all. Now a new leaf has turn.

A year ago, I've got my personal issues. Is not like I don't want do anything but I just need to stop doing what I wanted to do. Sacrifice are not the easiest thing to do. Right now, everything is solved and I can just do what I want now. Give me time~

I won't even start...

4.09am. 1st day of November. Time flies like dandelions being blown into the sky.

My 1st time celebrating Halloween. Ain't anything special. Organize by church committee people so I guess there is no complain on how the food really sucks. If I've known it was organize by church i would just don't go for the party. Guess next year I'll be going to UPR to celebrate it there, more fun with more people around there than with a lot bunch of kids. Costumes and beer together in one. Now that's fun!!

Last 2 nights, me and my 2 monkeys friends went out for dinner, after that we decide to go gaming for an hour or 2. Kinda like a thing to us already but it's just for 2 hour max. Anyways, on the way to pick up my brother at home, they decide to headbutt my LED lamp and break it. Dumbasses! there goes the 30bucks.... fly away**~~

Nowadays i feel like an empty shell without a soul, i feel the fire in me just gone just like that. Don't know what's wrong with me nowadays. Like a puppet being controlled by people and move around the world without noticing and a thing. Sadly, if i can, i wish i can live alone in my own house and rely on myself more. Getting sick and tired relying on people. When you need help, friends are just to give support, best buddies are there to kick people butt if they mess with you. But there is always a limit to things we do.

The sky is the limit. That's what i heard. When you're in love, there is really no limit what you can do for the person, if she likes romantic restaurant, you will google and search maps for the best spots to take her out to. If she likes ice-cream, you will buy the biggest scoop of ice-cream in haagen-dazs and watch her smile while she is eating that scoop. If she love cutes stuff toys, you will buy the biggest one that you can afford and the stuff toy will resemble her personality.

If she's the blur type, Snoopy...

If she's the silent type, Hello Kitty...

If she's the wild type, Garfield...

If she's the clumsy type, Winnie the Pooh...

etc...

By and how means, you just wanna satisfy her life and give her the best you can. Even if you can't afford a fancy restaurant dinner. There is always an alternate choice. If you don't have a lot cash you can spend. Why not hand cook a steak and light up some candles right infront of a public beach? Steak cost not more than 20 bucks unless it's sirloin. Hey, you don't have to be shy, so what if people are watching you two having steak on a beach with candles. They might be right there envy you for what you did for your love one. That shows a guy passion towards the lover.

So for me. I won't even start.... until I really know I really like the person, I don't wanna do the same mistaken I did in my past. Like the 2 scar on my forehead. It will be there until the day i decompose as fertilizer in the soil. Once the fireworks has been lit again in my heart. I'll be the usual me that treat her right again.

My fate? Or just unlucky me?

It's 5.01am now.... Can't sleep, my mind has been spinning me for 2 days straight and the total hour i slept for 2 days are less than 14 hours. And later I got an extra class to attend at 10am.

Felt that my fate isn't very good at all. In terms of family and friends, I'm consider happy and very fulfilling that i've got alot family love and friends. Am i a rusher ? Sadly to say, i just wanna know people more. My style is, i like to call people out and just know the person more. Just like to be more formal and sincere =)

Guess people that don't know me well, won't really know me. Maybe time will tell how my future gonna end up. Maybe another nightmare or just another fairytale. Hope it isn't another drama, already sick and tired of drama. Took me bloody 1 year plus to just cool from those triangle love drama.

I just want a peaceful, non-hectic life. There surely gonna be problems but I dun mind facing it, like the drama i had a year plus back. It really mold me into a different guy, a more mature and also not childish kinda person anymore. Hey, if there isn't any ups and down in this life, what's the point of living if everything was so easy.

Just hope that good thing will come into my life soon.

Random!~!~

It's 3.14am now, but i still can't sleep. Hmm, having alot of things in my mind but there is still stuff that can be shaken off. Kinda weird thou, my fate with people i like always has a very bad downside. Yeah, im not a joker but i'm more to a more serious person. But that doesn't mean i'm bad. I know i've got a short fuse that can ignite if you just gently step my tail but that doesn't mean I'm gonna kill you.

Just that, feel kinda sick.. Why do the people that i don't like and just wanted to be friends with somehow can like me? I'm not attractive nor handsome. Girls that I come to have interest with, they either take advantage on me or just drill a hole in my heart.

The last one, already gave me a huge impact and blasted my heart into countless shards. I think I've lost alot of my confident, sometimes now, even if i like the person. There is a part of me that is afraid that I will get the same treatment like what the last one did to me. Although I already forget about the so called "drama" i've been thru. But it really hits me hard. Right now you readers might think I'm such a pussy but, I'm not a playboy nor likes to go in groups of girls. The fact is that, I'm very loyal to the person i like. Sad and ironic huh

Insomnia or dilemma

Guess this doesn't have to do with anything I've written in the title. Well, ever felt like liking a person but you can't get a reaction on the person. Kinda sad isn't it, but sometimes it's also the liker fault too.

Feel kinda stupid to write this now, when he's with her, he felt happy but in a way also felt kinda sad. Maybe because the guy have no confident in himself. The girl is pretty and funny and all but the guy seems retarded somehow, just dunno why.

Sits there, looking at the ceiling, daydreaming. Maybe the guy need some strong encouragement or something just to snap his person make to life again, the guy feels like a zombie. Doing the same thing over and over and over again.

For the girl, she is great thou. The guy, need to start boosting his self-confident and do what ever is necessary so that he may go after the girl he likes.

Guess the guy needs to let go what ever past hurt, scare, humiliation and etc. Just move forwards and do what he felt like doing, for at least now. I mean, who doesn't afraid to get hurt badly. I've had my drama love story which is so freaking complicated that it scar my mind.

Things that had happened must be keep as an experiences and not a burden for our ownself. Carry the experiences, leave the burden behind, be a wise person

Poem (Chapter 1)

The sight of you makes me faint,

In my world that rain,

Without heart love will fade,

Because you light up my pretty fate.

My desire for you still flows,

Even thou it's already in frown,

The history of you and me is still fresh,

Like it was happen on last feverish fri.

Why do you still cling in my mind after the months,

For I wants you in my arm,

Hold you,

Pat you,

Cuddle you,

Spoil you,

And shall I quote that,

I still wants you,

For you are still the moon that shows me the path in my darkest night,

The stars that accompany me in the lonely twilight.

Writer: Irwin

(Update d ler Eefuulyn)

Why the dream??

Last 2 weeks ago, i dreamt about you.....

After so many long months, i thought that wouldn't never happen but what the heck?

Dreamt about you not only once twice but 3 times... Is it a sign of something? I'm not thinking of you while i'm doing my daily routine but how come you keep coming in... felt weird... I still remembered you told me you will love in my next life..

I hope my next Irwin better go tackle you if not im gonna haunt that dude for the rest of his life!

hehe =P